Slavery, Done Right

Looking for the positive side of the issue

With the President’s recent comments on how the Smithsonian focuses too much on how bad slavery was, it might be a good time to revisit this:

Reparations? A Modest Proposal

We live in difficult times and face many modern dilemmas, but some of our most intractable problems have been with us for a very long time and derive from the hideous practice of slavery that was prevalent at the founding of our country. No modern American will deny that slavery was a moral abomination and that the stain of it has been impossible to wipe out. Despite the Civil War, many well-intentioned programs, and much political progress, a small minority still clings to power at the expense of the majority in order to maintain a system that is racist and manifestly unjust. If we are to succeed in freeing ourselves from this cabal and secure for all Americans the freedom and justice promised in our founding documents, we must act to end this division once and for all.

From time to time, the idea of reparations has been discussed, but what form this would take and who would actually be the beneficiary has remained nebulous. It seems obvious to me that reparations must benefit all those impacted by slavery in a way that will make them whole—or as nearly so as possible. That would include both the descendants of the African Americans who suffered directly under the institution of slavery, and the descendants of the Africans who were deprived of their loved ones and suffered deep cultural and economic damage.

It seems to me that there is only one way to do this, and that once it has been explained, the reader will realize how it is an entirely fair and appropriate solution to several problems at once.

We must restore the institution of slavery—in reverse. Despite the fact that the Republican Party was originally the party of abolitionists, it is clearly now a party that promotes racism and maintains the unjust status quo. There has been much talk of how we can ever reunite our country, and I maintain that as long as this party exists, it will not be possible. So I propose that all registered Republicans be enslaved and transported to Africa, where they will be offered for sale. Obviously, they will not go willingly, so very many jobs will be created in rounding them up and transporting them. Once they have been taken away, there will be many good jobs to be filled, and naturally many of them could be filled by the descendants of slaves. Once they are transported to African shores, there will be a tidy profit made on their immediate sale. This money, in addition to providing good salaries for those directly involved, might be channeled to education and training for those who have been historically deprived.

The African slaveholders could certainly benefit from enslaved field and factory workers but would also be able to harness the highly educated among the slaves in order to advance their economies in ways previously not possible due to shortages of highly trained and educated workers.

I know that some would object to this scheme on the grounds that slavery is immoral, and I cannot disagree completely, but the widely accepted morality of “an eye for an eye” seems to provide justification. We are talking about just reparations here, not eternal damnation. It is only fair that the slavery be of limited duration. After, say, ten generations of slavery—in which no slave will be allowed an education—they will have earned their freedom and may be turned out from their homes and places of employment to fend for themselves as free men and women. I’m sure that they will soon find themselves fully integrated into the mainstream of African society and able to avail themselves of all that is good in the world, according to their abilities and to the freedom and justice that prevails.